Seeing Santubong

Last night I attended the first lesson of the School of Leader I curriculum in our church.
This also mean that I am embarking into another deeper and higher journey in discipleship. It will take me at least 10 Sundays to complete the course.
Last night lesson is interesting, I may have not received everything but one thing I learnt is the power of visioning or seeing. I guess that is the secret of the Father's heart, that He wants me to walk in the greater faith. Pastor Victor made a comment that the astronaut made it to the moon because they saw it and believing that one day they can walk in the moon.
We need to see God, although most of us probably know that we can never see him because He is invisible but how many times we felt His presence just next to us and that His personal touch has transformed us?
I must admit I started to see Santubong faces recently. It has never happen before that I could envision my unborn child. I see him in the flashes of memory from time to time. He has Johannes eyes and facial features. He is always cheerful and smiling and overwhelm by joy and that is indeed like me. He is gentle and adorable...
I am not sure when he I can finally hold on and carry him but I believe the day is soon.
If those people made it to the moon because they saw it. I am going to be a mother to Santubong because I saw him too....
Hopefully I will bring forth the good news very SOON!

Skiing at Kungsberget

Last night a group of us from Connect house went skiing. For many of them, it has been a regular weekly Wednesday night event since January. As for me, this is my first time in Kungsberget and third time since a decade ago. I wanted to go earlier but I was reluctant to invest in ski suit and other accessories. That has been my excuse of not going for ski.
Anyway, I finally made it to Kungsberget and I skied and together with me there are 2 more novice skier Eva Luisi from US and Annamika Nath from our Bangalore office. I was thrilled and excited as our cars approaching the ski resort. I rented the ski gear from the shop and it was very difficult to put on the ski boot and moreover walking with the ski. At the beginning it was almost impossible to walk on the snow and thankfully Rhys was escorting me to the cable lift chair.
I managed to get to half hill and as expected I kept falling but falling on snow is pretty cool thing since it does not hurt at all. There journey wasn't that pleasing at the beginning when my ski did not listen to me or under my control, but with some tips and coaching from Erik Rosen, I regained the feeling of skiing that I once had about 10 years ago.
SKiing indeed is fun and good workout

The multiple facets of snow

It has been a couple of days and snow still keep falling from the heaven (I mean the sky). This morning as I sit on the limo embarking on my journey to my favorite destination - Arlanda airport, I looked at the snow that falling gracefully, it reminded me of this song..

Is Your blood that cleanses me
Is Your blood that gives me life
Is Your blood that took my place
In redeeming sacrifice, washes me whiter than the snow
Lord Jesus, my precious sacrifice

BLOOD & PURITY
===========
I realize that blood is always red, but imagine the red blood that can cleanse me and transforming me from darkness (black) to a state that is whiter than the snow. I know it is abstract, but once you grapse the truth, you will know how wonderful is my Lord.

MANNA
======
The soft, fluffy snow flakes also reminded me of manna, the daily bread that the Lord promised to the Israelites as they exodus from Egypt. Manna is something that you cannot keep overnight or left over for the next day as it just get rotten. However, the faithful Lord is supplying it every morning as it is written in the scripture. Over the years, I have learnt to rely on His daily manna, and He is never too late or too early, His supply is always just in time.

HIS GLORY
=========
Last night when I walked on the street at night, on the unspoiled patch of white snow, with the reflection of the light from the street lamp post, I can see clearly the reflection of some glitters from the snow. The kind of glittering are similar to the diamond. I think of the Glory of God, often time when I saw visions, the glory of God is always resembled by the kind of white sands that falling from the sky and as it meets with the spectrum of light, it shines exactly as what I saw on the white snow under the light. Thank You Lord for reminding me of Your Glory.

Thank you Jesus for showing your grace and mercy to me through snow.

My First Victory of the year came through

On Jan 12, I blogged about the possibility of my first victory...
Today Feb 7, I have a confirmation that the first Victory has come to the past!!!
My career counselor called me this afternoon to confirm and congratulate that I am promoted to manager in March this year.
I didn't have the trill or surprise in me because I kind of expected this to happen.
Anyway, I want to praise the Lord for He has made this possible for me.
All my hardworking have been paid off and I know I have to cherish this very much because it is indeed not easy for an Asian lady like me to make it to that position. Moreover, I did not speak the language yet.
All glory and honor unto Him!

Heavy Snow Fall

Just as I wondered last Thursday if the winter has ended and spring has arrives, today we have heavy snow, it started snowing since this morning. It has not stop even now as I am writing this blog in my apartment.
We were forced to have team dinner together. However before the dinner were served, we had to go through a rather boring and lengthy round of updates. Imagine the meeting started pass 7pm and the dinner were only served after the meeting at almost 9pm.
The highlight of the night was the snowball fights. We had quite a bit of fun and my hands were freezing after that.

Nunnery

Today I drove for over an hour to Vught for a Dutch language intake interview. The institute is called Regina Coeli, whom I believe is a nun who invent the European Framework for languages course.
The building is quite new and it does match up to the expensive training center image.
I was greeted by a lady who explained the operation of the institute and gave me a quick test. Then we had a chance to walk around the building before I was formally invited to a private room with a tutor for upclose and personal interview.
The tutor at first insisted that I know nothing about Dutch. However, once she mentioned she is born in Indonesia, there conversation started to flow... Not very good and with a lot of mistake but I told her I am attending an Indonesia speaking church and for awhile, we have had good Dutch conversation.
However, can I speak better Dutch after a week of intensive course?? Is the course value for money? I don't know, but I always believe in 'if there is a will, there is a way' and if I have done my best, God will do the rest. Who know this is my another victory for this year?

Spring afternoon

Is spring already set in quietly?
Today we have a beautiful sunshine and the spring sunray throughout the day. If not because there is still a little bit of leftover unmelted snow, I would really think that spring has come in surpise.
The weather is a bit unusual this week. It is supposed to be still cold and snowy in Sweden, but we actually have an average of +8 degree weather in the day and about +4 degree at night. It really surprise me when I heard that Spain and Portugal is flood with heaviest snow since the last 50 years. Even Netherlands is so much colder than the Nordic region. It appears to me something has gone wrong somewhere...
During the lunch hour, I couldn't help bút decided to have a stroll outside Connect house. The walk with Annika was wonderful.
This evening when I took the train from Gälve to Arlanda, I could feel that the cold weather is reappearing again, and true enough, there were light snow when I arrived at the airport.
Enough of the weather, all I am longing is to go home and go back to my husband.
Hopefully the flight will depart on time...

Farewell Gravelle

Today is Roland last working day at Sandvik Connect HR project.
Last night we had our usual poker at Eva's place. Eva was kind enough to cook us some Mexican Taco and wrap, the beef with Taco mix was excellence!!

Roland was pretty open and talked a lot and made a lot of jokes. He has this English humour that sometime is quite difficult for non britian to understand. Anyway, despite of the fact that he wishes to get rid of his extra Swedish Kronors, he ended up being the winner for the poker game.

Good bye Mr. Gravelle, all the best with your new job in PWC and spending more of your time in vibrant London and wearing your professional suits.

Talking about suits, I have not seen him in one throughout the time he spent in this project.

I am sure our paths will cross again, sometime, somewhere.....

Snow melting away

This morning I arrived Sweden with a surprisingly +5 degree. It is unusual as if the winter has gone and the spring is awaiting of us.
The snow is melting away everywhere, through my journey from Arlanda to Sandvike, snow is melting and it is as if a picturisque landscape that was faded away. The christmasy white is gone and what is accompanied is grey... grey is the only colour. I am not sure if I could say it is depressing but certainly not as pleasing as all white...
There is a time and season for every activity under the sun..... so I suppose the snow will come again

Is Holland a post modern society???

Today I came back on an early flight again, that means while you guys were still asleep, I have already started my limo journey at 3:20am. Set aside all the sufferings of waking up earlier, lack of sleep and long waiting at airport, I arrived Schiphol around 9:15am.
When I walked to the car park to collect my car to drive home, I noticed that my humble VW were sandwiched by two bigger cars. To my irritation, the car on my left (an Audi, I regretted I didn't took a photo or write down the number plat) parked at close proximity with my car. How could you expect me to open my drive seat door and get into my car with the gap of less than 6 inches.
Dutch is famous for the ruthless anti-social driving behavior and this is equally demonstrated at the parking. I was so angry that the only way for me to get into my car is via the door on the right, which mean I have to get to the front right seat and then craw over to the driver seat.
When I finally got in, my anger were burning, it could be due to lack of sleep, I unwind my driver seat window and almost wanted to scratch the Audi with my car keys. Thankfully my inner man stop me from doing that. What an intimidation! Sometimes I really wonder if Dutch is a post modernization society, that people have lost all the moral and behaved in an uncivilized manner. Lord have mercy on them!!!

Ephesians 6:12 - For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

B.E.T.H.E.L

If you ever wonder why I am silence... Well... I have been sick all weekend last week. Not a big deal but the flu, cough and the light headache made me feel unfit and not able to concerntrate on anything except sleeping.
Anyway, if I could recalled my blessing last Monday 23 Jan, where our pastor came to our house to conduct a house blessing. It was a rather cold Monday night, my cell leader Sylvia and her husband Philip came along.
Pastor explained the meaning of house cleansing and blessing, that is so that the evil one will have no stronghold in this house and family. Pastor Victor revealed a few important scriptures and that reminded Johannes about some of the jade pendants that he had got from his family. The Lord also revealed to be about a book that I have bought from my trip to Xi'an, China few years ago. We recognized the spiritual impart and rendered those into the name of the Lord and destroyed them according to the word of God.
During the prayer for the house, it was interesting that Pastor prophesied over our home that the Lord has revealed to him that it will be BETHEL i.e. the house of the Lord. Now the title of this blog kind of making sense to you I believe. My heart was thrilled because this is an unspoken desire of naming our home as BETHEL, only Johannes and myself would know this secret and much to my satisfaction that I just purchased tiles with alphabets of B.E.T.H.E.L from Lisbon recently. I showed Pastor Victor the tiles and explained how blessed I am to know that the Lord actually cared about our desires.
Pastor blessed our home with oil and we ended our night with supper prepared by mum. That night, despite of sleeping at a very late hour, I feel that there is a sense of freedom that something has been lifted from my spirit.

Genesis 35:3 - Then come, let us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone

Is Alexander the Great?

Yesterday we decided to rent some DVD's, and so we went to Movieland and ended up with Alexander and the Aviator. It is of course a typical Hollywood production and cast. Every scene is from the perspective of American. Johannese complained that Alexander should not be a blonde. Well, coming from Asia, I didn't have European History blood in me and therefore I have no basis to make any judgment. Understanding the history itself is already a tough lesson for me. This is particularly true with recognizing the names of different characters.

If Alexander is the Great, then Jesus must be the Greatest even though Alexander existed before Jesus. Although Alexander may have created a great impact and past glory for the Macedonian and in the Greek History, but Jesus has created a great impact in my Life and it is lasting until present time. Such impact is not just history but in present life.

To end, Cheers to my Jesus the Greatest!

Even the nature bows before Him

This morning I woke up at 3:40am, my limo picked me at 4am and so my journey from Sandviken to Arland started while most of you still sleeping.
I don't like to catch the morning flight because then I have to start very early but my doctor's appointment is at 10:30am so the only solution is to catch the first flight back from Sweden.
The weather forecasted heavy snow for the whole week since Wednesday night. Last night when I watched the TV weather forecast, the forecaster still said there will be heavy snow over the next day.
Anyway, when the Lord is with me, who can be against me????? Not even the nature!! There is just not a single snow fall at all this morning when I departed from my petite apartment. I know the Mighty Creator of mine is at work to make sure that I can be home in time for the medical appointment.
I beginning to fall sick today... The flu is catching up as I suspected. Hopefully I could recover over the next few days. I am also a bit anxious as I have to go back to the doctor for another ultrasound because as of the check today I am still not ovulation? I now wonder if I have to rely on the medical science or I just have to submit this very special desire of being a 'supermother' to my God??
God, please help me...

Superwoman

Yesterday, my team member Kristian Nordland came to me and said..'you are a superwoman'.
I paused for awhile and asked what make you say this? He just went on and said "you remain cool and calm despite of taking over a project that was not started by you. And you started to gain the control for both projects in less than a few days". Then I said "I see what you mean now, thanks for the compliments but if I have a choice, I would not like to be superwoman, moreover, I distaste superman who wear his red pant (English) or underwear (for the US English) outside his trouses.
Am I a superwoman??? Years ago, I do seriously mean years and years ago, I would like to be one, that is particularly true after I graduated from university and full of zeals an passion to persue a career. I guess I have been there once, but really nothing special after all.
Now what I want is to be a mother of my childern. I don't know when it will happen, and if God's willing ....soon. Then I rather be a 'superMother'. Until such time come, I guess I will resume my superwoman role whenever I am in Sweden, and a wife role whenever I am in Netherlands.

Snow

This morning it started to snow again.. Apparently according to the weather forecast, Sweden will be flood with heavy snow. The town is lighten up by the white snow again. Today I had a busy day, but yet I found my sense of serenity when I look out at the window and saw the snow that falling. The large and crisp snow flake floating in the air and then slowly landed on the ground. For awhile, this white and quiet scene connect me to my Lord, and I can feel that my stress was taken away. Be still and know that I am your God -- that's exactly what came up to my mind and I regain the control of my work again.
I pray that the snow will not be too heavy as I cannot afford to be late for my medical appointment on Friday.

Sunrise and Moon at the same time

This morning I have to wake up at 5 am again as I need to catch the first flight out to Stockholm. Today I have to drive myself to the airport because I got to be back for another medical appointment on Friday.
Thanked God that there is no frost, no icy road, the temperature is above 0 and so the drive to airport was manageable. Arrived at the airport ample of time to scroll through the duty free on my walk to the gate.
Normally I am dead asleep even before the flight taking off but today I actually felt quite energetic on my journey. I tried to sleep but only managed to sleep for a short while and then I was awake again. I sit on the window seat (normally I choose ailse seat) and since I couldn't sleep and so I my eyes are wide open. Then I saw these that I never realized, perhaps is not new to most people, but I find it strange to have sun rise on my right window from a distance and yet on my own left, I saw moon. I grab my camera and took a few pictures.
Unfortunately I cannot upload now because I didn't have my cable with me. However, I promise to update this blog once I got hold of a suitable cable.
It's been a long day today, time to ZZzzzzzzzzzz

P/S: I loaded the photo I taken from the aircraft, the white little dot is the moon and the colour of the cloud were reflected by the sunrise at the other side.

Pocker Fever

I learnt pocker games from my project in Sweden. What do you expect us to do on a cold dark winter night? This is especially true before the snow fall, everything were grey, daylight was short and nights were cold. We met and played pocker once a week.

Last saturday (14 Jan 2006), I managed to persuade Johannes to host pocker game at home :p. In other to host, we went to Den Haag to search for a pocker game set. It was quite expensive but I have no surprise as I kind of know the price from my colleagues.

Aaron and his dutch Roderik came first and joined us for a 'french' dinner. Then we took some time to teach Johannes how to pocker while waiting for Erwin and Lissa to arrive. The two turned up at 9pm and that was when the game get serious. We didn't mean to gamble for serious money but only aim on enjoying the games. So each player contributed 5 Euro for a seat and the winner get the money.

To my surprise, the game turn out exicting and the true characters of Erwin and Lissa revealed. I always thought Lissa is a gentle lady but she was aggressive when come to pocker and made decision.

Anyway, guess who won the game???? I was surprise I actually be the BIG winner, and at some point I almost thought I will be the first one out the game. Anyway, by 1:30am, with Aaron called for 'all in', we concluded the games by me wining the all his chips.

This also mean, my initial investment on the pocker game set is immediately half recovered by the money I won :p.

An side effect after Victory??

Last night I didn't sleep well, I was a bit excited by the fact that my career counselor wrote me an email informing me that he has indeed got a very good feedback from my Swedish manager.
This morning I was extremely busy and my phone were ringing all days and there were so many calls to answer. For no reason, my stress level increased to an extend that I almost couldn't cope with ....
I guess it is not easy afterall to take care of a family chores and yet pursuing an upcoming career. I wish to strike the balance and cope with both excellently, but it is not easy.
I have to work (from home), yet have to run to a few places... to replenish weekly groceries, to specialty Asian store and to the library to borrow a specific book. I wish to do everything for neatly and nicely my husband, to keep the house in order, cook a nice meal and awaiting him to return from work. Perhaps it is a not a myth but a FACT that coping family and career is NOT easy. When I am at work in Sweden, I can truly focus on my work because I don't have a husband and a home to return to. So all I do is work, work and work till late enough to call a day.
Tonight I am alone again, it happens most of the Fridays because Johannes has to go to cellgroup meeting. I have to amuse myself and keep myself occupied. For that I shall not complain, because what he is doing is storing up the treasure in heaven and building up his faith. Also, it makes me understand how he feels when I left him for 3 nights to work in Sweden.
Family and career?? I want BOTH!!! The coming months will be very challenging as I can foresee my increasing workload and responsibilities. I hope the Lord will make ways for me...

Anyway, it is already weekend, I hope I could de-stress and let go and enjoy my well deserve weekend....

First Victory in The Year of Victory

I am sure you will not believe this....

At around 4:30 to 5:00pm, while I was on the train from Gälve to Arlanda, on my usual home trip, I had this long conversation with my Swedish manager and he disagreed on giving me a positive promotion input that is due tomorrow 3pm. I tried to convince him but I didn't succeded until the bad reception that we have to stop the conversation.
I prayed very hard and wondered why this happen and trying to formulate some influencial strategy (use my human reasoning) to convince the Swedish manager later. My Lord is amazing and His way is above my ways and His thought is above my thoughts so as the heaven is above the earth.
The next time when I called the manager, just about to start my conversation, he said he has made up his mind. My heart dropped for a moment, because according the conversation awhile ago, he is not supporting my promotion. BUT, he has made up his mind to put for recommendations for my promotion!!! And he gave completely different rationale on why he is supporting me now....
My Lord is real and He is wonderful and this is the very first Victory that I have experience this year and more are to come.....
Viva The Year of Victory - 2006.
Time to go to catch my flight, I might be blogging later..

New Blog - New Year - New beginning

Today I finally decided to sign up this blog site. I was hesitating for awhile as I already have 2 sites one in friendsters and the other multiply. Nevertheless they are no real blogger site but friendship networking.
Since it is still the beginning of new year, may be it is good to start blogging base on my daily experience. I spend my week days in Sweden, working on a project for a client and travel back to Amsterdam on a weekly basis. During the week in Sweden, I spent most of my time on the internet be it work or leisure.
This morning I woke up praying for 2 specific things that kind of troubling me. My career promotion and my desire of wanting baby. I know the two hardly go together, but I just want to be an exceptional one.
It also happened today, which I believe my prayers are at work, that my Swedish manager called and informed me Roland, my co-colleague that leading IR project has tendered his resignation. There is a big possibility for me to take over his role, which I see God is making way for my promotion. I negotiated that I need to bring a analyst from my organization if I were to take up the additional role. Of course I have to make sure my Swedish manager is willing to give me a good promotion input too! Anyway, things will be certain by tomorrow.

It has been raining all day... and the snow is now either melting away or it has become the hard pressed ice that are really slippery.
Most of my colleagues are going for skiing tonight, while I had a dinner appointment with a Malaysian lady that I met in the Limo from Arlanda. Due to the slippery pathway, we didn't walk far but had our dinner at Tony's - a bar that serve good burgers. We chatted a bit about Malaysia and also about Sweden.

Tomorrow is home sweet home day :)