I wept on my wedding anniversary

I cannot imagine the day that I waited the most has brought me the greatest damage. I thought we could have celebrated our 5th Anniversary in a joyful way. However, what shouldn't happen has all happened.

I cannot cope with his negative energy, the negativity has overwhelmed me and eventually it was him that spoilt the evening. Why can't he look from positive stand point? The restaurant is noisy, so what? That would mean the business is good. The restaurant is too smoky, so what, unless smoking in the restaurant is banned we have to face this anyway. The american are too loud, so what? Everyone has the right to talk the way they want. Why is every word uttered from his mouth has to be full of negative energy that tear me down and not me build up. What happen to those mentality of a winner?

I must admit, I want to give up... if he doesn't border to keep up what we have built up the past few years, why should I care? How much I have give in all these years and what do I ended up with? One who doesn't appreciate...

I promise myself, I will not celebrate another anniversary...even if we see through another one, I will not celebrate, not especially another one that tear me down.

Lord Jesus, I hate to feel this way, but I cannot control my emotions, the damage is too big, the hurt is too deep. I am wounded and broken, I am vulnerable. Words cannot describe my feeling right now, help me Lord, You are the only one who can help me..... I [pray that You will turn my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy...

Countdown to Malta

Finally after months of waiting, we are going to embark to our Mediterranean vacation - Malta.

A small country at the Southeast edge of Europe south of Italy and north each of Africa country - Tunisia.

I am looking forward for this escape, hopefully the colour will change from the dull grey (as the Dutch weather) to some blue sky and that we will be greeted by the nice gozo blue colour of the sea. See you on 26th Oct.

Tomorrow: Our Wedding Anniversary

Tomorrow (25th October 2007) is our 5th Wedding Anniversary. Thank you Johannes for the wonderful 5 years together, I look forward for the 10, 15, 20 and many more anniversaries to come. !!Thank You Lord, for the many blessings that we count each day!!

Hopefully the Lord will multiply us physically and spiritually in the near future and make this picture come to the past..

Isaiah 43:18, 19, 21

18 Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old

Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

19 I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert.

21 These people I have formed for Myself

They shall declare My praise

Thank you Lord for Your Rhema word today!

The Footprint on the Sand

This photo was taken when we were visiting Chirs, Onki and Jo Jo at one of the vacation resorts called Roompot at Zeeland.

The photo reminded me the figure of a father and a son and the beautiful poem called 'The foot print' written in 1939 by Mary Stevenson

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

The fruit from our Garden

Me Jo Jo and the Melon

The fruits from the Garden of Bethel. Since early spring, my mum in-law has sowed some seeds of melon, some kind of winter melon that usually use for soup or chinese dishes. The plant grew really strong and produced lots of fruits. This is one of the last few. It is quite big and heavy.

Hopefully our home Bethel will also produce the never ending fruits of the Spirit as written in Galatians 5:22 - The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

One year anniversary in U

Today is kind of special in a way because it actually marked a year milestone that I have spent a year in my current project. This is the longest project that I have ever been in so far. 3 different roles in year, from European program management office lead, try to operate myself at our senior executives' mind and tried my best to match that expectation in setting up the program, install the governance structure, enjoying my high level bird-eyes view on all the countries not having any deliverable at hand. Not too long after that, I was brought from high level down to the earth to perform another challenging role to push France operation to go live with the out-sourced HR delivery model by spending enough months in Bucharest, Romania pulling everything plan, resources, processes, technology together to make it works. That was a nice piece of master art that I have orchestrated and reward myself with a month away for training and vacation in the States.

In July, I got into a new role in global capability release workstream and be the end-to-end solution architect, solutioning the highly impacted business process, conceptualised and making it works from technology perspective. Since then I am commuting weekly to Walton on Thames on 2 nights basis.

Today, on my one year anniversary, with the certainty that I am rolling off from the project and my last day will be 5th October 2007, it will mark the 1 year and 3 days.

Do I have enough of this project? I guess yes, the challenge is not so much the client but our internal team. What is next after working with this client that manufactured most of the things we use, food we consumed daily? No concrete plan for what is next yet, but certainly the end is always a new beginning.