I cannot imagine the day that I waited the most has brought me the greatest damage. I thought we could have celebrated our 5th Anniversary in a joyful way. However, what shouldn't happen has all happened.
I cannot cope with his negative energy, the negativity has overwhelmed me and eventually it was him that spoilt the evening. Why can't he look from positive stand point? The restaurant is noisy, so what? That would mean the business is good. The restaurant is too smoky, so what, unless smoking in the restaurant is banned we have to face this anyway. The american are too loud, so what? Everyone has the right to talk the way they want. Why is every word uttered from his mouth has to be full of negative energy that tear me down and not me build up. What happen to those mentality of a winner?
I must admit, I want to give up... if he doesn't border to keep up what we have built up the past few years, why should I care? How much I have give in all these years and what do I ended up with? One who doesn't appreciate...
I promise myself, I will not celebrate another anniversary...even if we see through another one, I will not celebrate, not especially another one that tear me down.
Lord Jesus, I hate to feel this way, but I cannot control my emotions, the damage is too big, the hurt is too deep. I am wounded and broken, I am vulnerable. Words cannot describe my feeling right now, help me Lord, You are the only one who can help me..... I [pray that You will turn my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy...
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